The Occult

For many new parents, it can be very difficult to comprehend the change in their lives. The arrival of kids can make a huge difference and really change the way that they looked at the relationship and at the very structure of the partnership.

What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Tactful tweaks and adjustments will be needed by both partners in the relationship to smooth the path, and not only for new parents. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.

Whenever doubts arise, worries come to the surface or even anger bubbles up, it is important to take a step back and look at the overall picture. Do you feel that you cannot properly see the problem due to life’s complexity? So much is going on that it is easy for parents to become overwhelmed and not know how to cope. Sometimes this leads to the need for additional jobs and causes parents to become complex role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. In the case of new parents, the mum may put so much effort and attention into caring for the new arrival, that the marriage may not seem so important a priority any more.

Meanwhile, new dads can often feel a bit left out and surplus to requirements! In this situation, you might start to believe the mum is the one to look after the kids and step back. Subconsciously or otherwise, this may result in him backing away from the relationship as a whole, even though he thinks it is the right thing.

Both parties need to watch each other and look for tell-tale signs. Look for signs of overload, irritability or a short temper. Don’t dismiss any negative vibes such as this, as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.

Whenever the kids are not around, sit down and have a very deep and meaningful conversation. Quietly and calmly ask your opposite half whether you are being reasonable and expect their honest replies. Remind each other that things have changed now that you have additional family members and this is to be understood, priorities now look different.

The most important point to remember is that it will take the efforts of the team to raise the children properly and both members need to realise how much effort this will take and how it is a joint venture. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!

It’s not all doom and gloom The allocation of time must be based on quality and prioritisation. Can you remember when you had a nice weekend away together? That romantic dinner should be scheduled as often as everything allows and try your best to come up with small, but meaningful and romantic gifts or surprises for each other.

Mums can face a considerable challenge, especially if they are working as well and it’s useful to consult experts to help them manage the juggling act and the myriad of emotions they will face along the journey of motherhood. Generally, online life coaching focuses on real-world professional coaching, and as it is tailored toward coaching for women, it can often be a saviour when everything seems doomed.

Amanda Alexander is the Director of Coaching Mums and a widely renowned ICF-accredited coach who delivers professional coaching programmes to working moms across the globe who long for more time, balance and fulfilment in their busy lives. Download our free eBook especially for working mums with 5 easy ways to achieve balance.