The Occult

For many new parents, it can be very difficult to comprehend the change in their lives. The arrival of kids can make a huge difference and really change the way that they looked at the relationship and at the very structure of the partnership.

What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Tactful tweaks and adjustments will be needed by both partners in the relationship to smooth the path, and not only for new parents. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.

Whenever doubts arise, worries come to the surface or even anger bubbles up, it is important to take a step back and look at the overall picture. Do you feel that you cannot properly see the problem due to life’s complexity? So much is going on that it is easy for parents to become overwhelmed and not know how to cope. Sometimes this leads to the need for additional jobs and causes parents to become complex role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. In the case of new parents, the mum may put so much effort and attention into caring for the new arrival, that the marriage may not seem so important a priority any more.

Meanwhile, new dads can often feel a bit left out and surplus to requirements! In this situation, you might start to believe the mum is the one to look after the kids and step back. Subconsciously or otherwise, this may result in him backing away from the relationship as a whole, even though he thinks it is the right thing.

Both parties need to watch each other and look for tell-tale signs. Look for signs of overload, irritability or a short temper. Don’t dismiss any negative vibes such as this, as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.

Whenever the kids are not around, sit down and have a very deep and meaningful conversation. Quietly and calmly ask your opposite half whether you are being reasonable and expect their honest replies. Remind each other that things have changed now that you have additional family members and this is to be understood, priorities now look different.

The most important point to remember is that it will take the efforts of the team to raise the children properly and both members need to realise how much effort this will take and how it is a joint venture. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!

It’s not all doom and gloom The allocation of time must be based on quality and prioritisation. Can you remember when you had a nice weekend away together? That romantic dinner should be scheduled as often as everything allows and try your best to come up with small, but meaningful and romantic gifts or surprises for each other.

Mums can face a considerable challenge, especially if they are working as well and it’s useful to consult experts to help them manage the juggling act and the myriad of emotions they will face along the journey of motherhood. Generally, online life coaching focuses on real-world professional coaching, and as it is tailored toward coaching for women, it can often be a saviour when everything seems doomed.

Amanda Alexander is the Director of Coaching Mums and a widely renowned ICF-accredited coach who delivers professional coaching programmes to working moms across the globe who long for more time, balance and fulfilment in their busy lives. Download our free eBook especially for working mums with 5 easy ways to achieve balance.

It’s time to celebrate when you hit one of those 10 year anniversaries!

When you get one of those milestones, pause and look back at what you have gone through, how successful you have been and what you have enjoyed. For others, reaching such a milestone can be a bit troubling, as you may fret whether you have really achieved enough and where you might be in another ten years.

It’s important to take time to look at where we are in our life, and to take stock of our financial, emotional and personal goals. It’s also quite common for a woman, busy raising a family, to think about her sexual appeal and its effectiveness when she gets to the big 40.

As we get older, we tend to be more philosophical. This is a consequence of being able to reflect on many of life’s rich experiences and in many cases knowing how to put these experiences into practice. During our development as a human being, each milestone that we get to represents a significant achievement and a time for us to reflect and reinterpret our memories. As our interpretations change as we age, when you get to 40 you will definitely look at things in a different light as compared to ten years previously.

Things get better as we age, and as a 40-year-old mum, we are emotionally and mentally more secure and this by itself adds to our sexuality. Dignity comes naturally at this age and those elements of insecurity seem so far away.

We are much more composed, and know how to deal with any situation when it arises by displaying a sassy attitude, allowing us to feel inherently good about ourselves and to resolve problems with a lot more ease.

Often times, professional coaching is a marvellous boost for mums, whatever page of life they find themselves on and especially if they find an upcoming milestone to be challenging. The word “sexy” means different things to different people and will certainly have its own interpretation in your eyes.

Physically you will have a different appearance of course, but with your maturity you need to learn to trust yourself to make the most of your looks every day. Take a leaf from the page of those old screen heroines and present your best side to whatever camera approaches you. As each year goes by, you will become more mentally and emotionally secure and as a consequence, much sexier.

Be secure in your status and believe in yourself and what you have achieved. Your children are a great reflection of you and you should be proud or both them and your partner. Remember that life is only really enjoyable when you truly love yourself, first and foremost. Seek out online life coaching experts if you feel a little overwhelmed when you are approaching or get to those special milestones that everyone makes such a big deal about!

Remember that life begins at 40 and when coaching for women in this position I often remind them that the biggest favour they can do themselves is to think and act “young.” Ask yourself this question - if you didn’t know what your actual age was, how old would you think you were? And no, it isn’t “90”! Fabulous 40 mum, go and get them!

Amanda Alexander is Director of Coaching Mums and a highly acclaimed ICF-accredited coach who delivers professional coaching programmes to working moms who yearn for success, balance and fulfilment. Are you a juggling mom? Download our free eBook for working moms that will give you 5 simple and instant ways to balance your life right now!